It's kind of hard being Snoop Do-double G.

Who could love me? I am out of my mind.

10 things you want
-to be with my girlfriend right now. 
-new pants
-new shoes 
-to be happy 24/7
-to learn how to do something cool 
-sleep 
-cigarettes 
-books 
-seth and gretchen to stop fucking fighting. 
-materialistic things 

9 musicians/bands you love (in no order)
-animal collective 
-conor oberst 
-the postal service 
-fun. 
-sufjan stevens
-girls 
-tilly and the wall
-radiohead
-matt hires 

8 things you do everyday
-smoke
-listen to music  
-potty 
-talk to seth
-chill with my girlfriend
-eat
-read
-drink 

7 things you enjoy 
-music
-art
-my friends
-my girlfriend
-computers
-food :3 

6 things that will always win your heart
-smiles
-old people
-chubby cheeks
-animals
-love [obviously, hearts and such]
-other people’s creativity.  

5 favourites: movie, song, book, food, season 
airplane
she had the world - patd 
perks of being a wallflower
fake mexican food 
spring 

4 smells or scents you enjoy
lavender
vanilla
laundry
fresh cut grass

3 places you want to go
Maastricht
Amsterdam
Zeeland [all happen to be in the Netherlands :3]

2 favourite holidays
christmas
st patricks day


1 person you’d marry on the spot
marriage = big deal. me = not ready 

i should be dead? ……

1. smoked. 
2. consumed alcohol. 
3. slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex. 
4. slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex. 
5. kissed someone of the same sex. 
6. had sex.
7. had someone in your room other than family. 
8. watched porn. 
9. bought porn. 
10. tried drugs. 
TOTAL: 9

1. taken painkillers. 
2. taken someone else’s prescription medicine. 
3. lied to your parents. 
4. lied to a friend.
5. snuck out of the house. 
6. done something illegal. 
7. felt hurt. 
8. hurt someone. 
9. wished someone to die. 
10. seen someone die. 
TOTAL so far: 19

1. missed curfew. 
2. stayed out all night. 
3. eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself. 
4. been to a therapist. 
5. been to rehab 
6. dyed your hair. 
7. received a ticket. 
8. been in an accident. 
9. been to a club. 
10. been to a bar. 
TOTAL so far: 27

1. been to a wild party. 
2. been to a Mardi Gras parade. 
3. drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night. 
4. had a spring break in Florida. 
5. sniffed anything 
6. wore black nail polish 
7. wore arm bands. 
8. wore t-shirts with band names. 
9. listened to rap. 
10. owned a 50 Cent CD. 
TOTAL so far: 33

1. dressed gothic.
2. dressed girly. 
3. dressed punk. 
4. dressed grunge. 
5. stole something. 
6. been too drunk to remember anything. 
7. blacked out. 
8. fainted. 
9. had a crush on a neighbor. 
TOTAL so far: 39

1. had a crush on a friend. 
2. been to a concert. 
3. dry-humped someone. 
4. been called a slut.
5. called someone a slut. 
6. installed speakers in your car.
7. broken a mirror.
8. showered at someone of the opposites sex’s house
9. brushed your teeth with someone else’s toothbrush. 
TOTAL so far: 47

1. consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper. 
2. seen an R-rated movie in theater. 
3. gone to the mall. 
4. skipped school. 
5. had surgery. 
6. had an injury. 
7. gone to court. 
8. walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping. 
9. caught something on fire. 
10. lied about your age. 
TOTAL so far: 55

1. owned/rented an apartment/house. 
2. broke the law in the police’s presence. 
3. made out with someone who had a gf/bf 
4. got in trouble with the police. 
5. talked to a stranger. 
6. hugged a stranger. 
7. kissed a stranger. 
8. rode in the car with a stranger. 
9. been harassed. 
10.been verbally harassed. 
TOTAL so far:  64

1. met face-to-face with someone you met online. 
2. stayed online for 5+ hours straight. 
3. talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight. 
4. watched TV for 5 hours straight. 
5. been to a fair. 
6. been called a bad influence. 
7. drank and driven. 
8. prank-called someone. 
9. laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex. 
10. cheated on a test. 
TOTAL so far: 71

Grand Total: 59                                                                                                              If you have less than 10, write “I’m a goody-goody” 
If you have more than 10, write “I’m still a goody goody” 
If you have more than 20, write “I’m average” 
If you have more than 30, write “I’m a bad kid” 
If you have more than 40, write “I’m a very bad influence” 
If you have more than 50, write “I’m a horrible person” 
If you have more than 60, write “I should be in jail” 
If you have more than 70, write “I should be dead”

since i feel like i need to, here’s a list of things i like about my girlfriend.

i’ve felt like a shitty boyfriend the past couple of days.

well, here goes nothing. these are some things that i like about Rachel

• her laugh - a fast high pitched noise, not obnoxious though. just right 
• her voice - very soft. very outspoken. 
• her smile - the whitest teeth hidden under pale pink lips. 
• the way that she forgives
• her open mind
• the thing she does with her eyes when she’s happy about something 
• the way she gets quiet when she’s sad, or upset. 
• how she can get over anything that’s bad
• how she doesn’t hold grudges 
• the way she holds my hand, with the tightest grip 
• the way she wears her heart on her sleeve.
• how she doesn’t hide what she’s feeling 
• her hugs - the way her arms securely clasp around my  body 
• her modesty 
• that shade of green in her eyes, with a hint of orange and hazel 
• her hair, never a curl out of place 
• her friendly ways - if anyone needs help, she’s right there to help them. if anyone needs a home, she will let them stay a couple of nights. if anyone  needs clothing, she will lend you her warmest sweater. 
• her views on life - not that life’s too short, but that life’s too  anomalistic, so take things one step at a time 
• her humor, not that of a five year olds. very intelligent humor. 
• the  way she blushes when someone compliments her
• her scent, vanilla lavender perfume i think it is. well she told me once but i forgot. 
• if i do anything odd, you don’t judge me or look at me weird 
• i  could tell you anything without you overreacting 
• you’re not afraid to  tell me when something  is bothering you
• your trust for me. you even went to get your first tattoo with me. [which still  blows my mind, to be honest]

i can sit here for hours listing the little things that make you pretty much perfect for me. i know, you always tell me not to say that you’re perfect but it’s the only word that comes to my mind. when you read this, i hope that you feel the same way about me. and i don’t want you, or anyone for that matter, to think that i’m trying to prove myself a better boyfriend, or to prove my affection or anything. all of this, i  think, is already proven between Rachel and I. i just want to  remind her, if anything, that i will always be here for her. and i know she will  always be  here for me 

well if that couldn’t get cornier 

i don’t know what else to say

so i’m out 

I took it like a grown man, crying on the pavement hoping you would show your face.

I haven’t heard a thing you’ve said in at least a couple hundred days, what’d you say? 
I was in the front seat, shaking it out and I was asking if you felt alright. I never want to hear the truth. I want to hear your voice, it sounded fine. My voice it sounded fine.

——

You know what, times like these I usually say “Fuck everything”, “Fuck today”, “I give up”, “Whatever”, but today I’m just gonna say oh well. This has happened to me way to much to care anymore.  I just need to get over it, and think about better things. Currently crying like a baby, and I have no idea why. I never felt this strongly for a girl in my entire life, and the person I feel most for basically rejects me. I seriously thought this could be something but since it’s not, then I guess I just have to move on. Whoever she likes is a really lucky guy.

FINALLY.

Phil and Jullian are here. About time, fuck. Chilling with them, going out to lunch. Reconnection bitchessss.

All alone again.

Well, well. Uhm yeah =x

Just want to find out what you’re nice to me for.

Fuck trying.

It’s not worth it anymore. Nothing’s really worth it anymore.

I am certain of this and I am not certain of anything.

I’m not sure if I’ll regret this or if I’m completely content with it. So far, I like where this is heading..

this was a choice, this was never a mistake.